As Nicky and I were walking down the 34th street, I saw a young sad looking woman sitting on the street with a sign of asking for help. I have one weakness. It is very hard for me to ignore the pictures of sad women or children. It always makes my heart drop.

So I gave money to my lovely friend- Nicky and asked him to give it to her. Nicky is always a very nice friend to have. He took out his money together with mine and gave it to her. Nicky asked me why I did not give her myself. I did not really know why either. I guess I am always nervous to give homeless money. There are many times, I had to walk up and down the street until I did not see anyone around there and then gave money to those homeless.

It is totally different when I was in Thailand. I just gave money to beggars without feeling nervous. Perhaps, beggars in Bangkok are everywhere and as a country of Buddhism, everyone seems to give money to them. It is so normal that I did not feel alienated.

Somehow, right here in New York City, I am afraid of being looked as a pretentious individual. This Saturday was not the first time; if I had friends with me, I always asked my friend to give money to a homeless for me.

As our conversation went on, I told Nicky about my unpleasant experiences of helping people here in New York City. One time, I opened the door for a man who was disabled. He looked at me strangely like I did something wrong. Then he said he did not need any helps. Another time, I bought the Burger Kings for a homeless in the subway. As I was standing in the line in Burger Kings, I thought I should order the whole set for him so that he would have something to drink after he finished his meal. When I handed that meal to him, he opened the package. Then he looked a little annoyed then told me he did not like French fried and coke. Again, caught by surprise, I just left the whole meal there and walked away.

It is not like I am expecting anything in return but just a little appreciation would be nice.

The first incident of the disabled man taught me to be cautious in offering my help to anyone here in the city. I do understand people here are strongly independent individual who do not necessary need someone help because they might not want to be viewed as helpless. There are many times I wanted to offer my help but I had to ignore it because I was afraid of offending them.

Those incidents just make me wonder if this is a reason why, sometimes, the people here look a little selfish and ignorant. No one give a seat to the elderly, children or pregnant women. No one wants to help other people who are asking for some changes on the street. It is like a vicious cycle. When some people do not appreciate or in the worst case throw those good intentions right back to our face, we just simply stop offering. Why bother.

I know we are all living in one of the toughest cities. But to accept some helps or at least to show some appreciations toward someone who are offering helps will not make anyone look weak or helpless.

But my motto is we should be happy and proud for the good intentions we have to help other people whether or not they will appreciate it because right at the moment those good intentions appear; I believe our mission is done.