I am very excited right now. It is the Christmas Eve; I am going to volunteer with the Coalition for Homeless. At 6.45 pm my friend- Nicky and I arrive at the Church on 51st and Lexington Ave. We have 15 people all together and three vans. The first one will go downtown, the second one will go midtown and uptown and the last one will go to the Bronx.

We are assigned to the second one.

We have five people in our team. Besides Nicky and I, the team leader is a young and beautiful lady who works in the publishing company. Another lady is a successful marketer and organizer who has a broken arm. The last one is an African-American man who just moves here from Chicago for school.

I am a little bit worried. Perhaps, I have my own imagination about the homeless. Maybe it derives from my own experiences with them. I am thinking what if we were attacked by them? I ask the team leader and she tells us about some scary night she has encountered.

We have more than 10 stops to distribute the food. We stop at the Penn Station, Central Park, Harlem and Fifth Ave. We hand out two bags of sandwich, two oranges, two boxes of milk and two cups of orange juice. Nicky and I hand out the oranges and the plastic bags for them to put the food in.

Tonight is not that busy from what my team leader tells me. She thinks maybe it is Christmas Eve. There are a lot of charities helping them as well and a lot of soup kitchens are opened. Moreover, most of the homeless hang out near the big Church’s property. But tonight all churches are having a Christmas Mass so most of the homeless have fled to somewhere else.

The most crowded stop is the one in Harlem. It is sad for this time of the year, when it’s bitter cold and most of people are celebrating holidays but these people have no family and no home to go back. What they have is just each other.

At the stop point – the Church on 5 Ave and 55th, the same one that we always volunteer for Meals on Wheels, the picture between the homeless and the crowd who are storming the Fifth Ave. is like black and white. It is ironic that while some people are shopping on the expensive clothes, there are some people who cannot even afford to buy a meal.

Most of the homeless know where and what time we are coming. These two young Hispanics with a cart that is full with soda cans come to the vans. We say Merry Christmas to them and they say it back in Spanish. It reminds me of a dream of the immigrants who look for a better life but the dream is shattering. The reality hurts sometimes. They end up sleep on the street with trash bags as blankets and cardboards as a wall. But I admire their effort dearly. At least they are trying to do something and anything just to keep them afloat even picking up those cans.

At the end of our journey on Christmas Eve together, we say goodbye. My friend forgets his cookies so he runs back to the van. He sees our team leader crying. I am not sure if she is crying because she does not have a family to go back or because her ex-boyfriend is sick of cancer. Before she leaves, she says she is going to play with her cat before she is going to take care of her ex.

This is why it is the highest time of the year that people commit suicide. Loneliness sometimes is unbearable.

It is a very beautiful night. Even though it is pretty cold outside, we know that at least we have warmed someone’s heart. It is the night that I really feel the human side of people around me. The night that we all shake hand and say Happy Holidays to each other no matter who we are. It is also the night that it reinforces my belief that to make oneself happy is to make other life happy.

It’s almost 10 pm. We still have a party to catch. I am not sure if I should go out dancing tonight at all because Nicky and I will have to wake up early tomorrow morning to deliver food to the seniors.

But what the heck, it is the holidays anyway, I should just enjoy it. I am sure I still can go out dancing tonight; wake up early tomorrow and deliver food to the seniors with a big smile.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Tae Athikomvittaya